I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
