my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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