Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know her cup size but not her name....
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