all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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