your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
