stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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