im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
