Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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