We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm eating all of the evidence.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm like, not good at living.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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