I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
