just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
