end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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