and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
