She is in my trunk
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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