I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
