And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
