you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I touched a dick in church today
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
