Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
