How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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