Dual....:-)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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