the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just threw up on my dentist
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
