Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
