Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
