It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
