I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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