I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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