she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
