Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
