its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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