I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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