This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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