Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
