singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
