The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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