i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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