If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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