so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
