Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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