M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
