My liver just broke up with me...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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