The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
