Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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