you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
