She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
