Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
