He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
