I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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