so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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