I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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