Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
