How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
