apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
