i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
