I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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