nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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