is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
