Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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