Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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