ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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