meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize