I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
