Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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