It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
