can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
