I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
