Cold hands, warm shart.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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