$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
