so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
