Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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