do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
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I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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