so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
