Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
