So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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