I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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