the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
