have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
