how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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