It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
