meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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