I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A+ Viking dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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