Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
