Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
