At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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