is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
