you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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