I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
