I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
