dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
