it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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