Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
