So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he thought i was a dude.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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