Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
