i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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